IF.......

borrowed from LOPE Texas' site...\

1. If there is a single, ¼ inch long sharp object in a 15-acre pasture full of soft grass, a horse will find it and promptly fling himself on it vigorously until he has lacerated a hoof, leg or eye. This is an especially irresistible activity at midnight, so that the wound won't be discovered until the morning feeding (by which time it is usually oozing many unpleasant secretions).

2. When a trainer tells you that the racehorse he just sent you is "dog gentle, but really needs a job," he means that the horse will buck, rear or spin if not ridden daily at a gallop for thirty minutes or more. If he then tells you that the horse is "playful," he is subtly cueing you that the horse also likes to buck/rear/spin in the pasture, on the lead rope and in the trailer -- plus he might occasionally bite.

3. If you have scheduled a farm call with the vet, one or more of the following will automatically occur: a) Your emotionally fragile farrier (or hay guy or feed store delivery crew) will show up unexpectedly. Any attempt on your part to reschedule the unplanned visit will result in scowls, sulks and unreturned calls for weeks. b) it will begin to rain violently, just as the vet and farrier/hay guy/feed store delivery crew arrive simultaneously. c) Someone you've never seen before will pull into your driveway with a dubious looking horse trailer, demanding to drop off a horse, pick up a horse or obtain employment.

4. One dainty, 14.3H filly can wreck complete havoc on the social structure of a herd of staid, middle-aged geldings within five minutes.

5. If a breeder donates an unraced two-year-old and describes him as being green broke with a "good thirty days on him," it means: a) The horse stood around in a pasture for a month before they decided to donate him; b) The ranch assistant mounted him and rode him for a total of thirty minutes spread out over a month; c) he had some halter training for about thirty days. Under no circumstances will the horse actually have thirty days of under saddle training.

6. A clean, freshly swept barn porch and center aisle will instantly fill with manure deposits (seemingly from ghost horses), if left unattended for ten minutes. If an important visitor, such as a funder or prospective adopter, is on the way, the amount of manure doubles automatically.

7. When riding an ex-racehorse for the first time out in the open pasture, it's very important to turn down your cell phone's "Good, The Bad and The Ugly" ring tone from Loud/Vibrate to Silent. Otherwise, you'll get a call and the Hugo Montenegro score will blare (and vibrate) the instant that ten deer and a suicidal rabbit leap in front of your horse, setting him over the edge from mild spook to panicked bucking session.

8. If you describe a horse as being green, not for beginners and spirited, you will be deluged with adoption applications from parents looking for a first horse for their 5-year-old daughter. If you describe another as being an aged, retiring track pony horse looking for an easy job as a family trail mount, your email box will fill with inquiries from avid barrel racers asking about his speed index.

9. When a tall, 16.3H gelding is adopted, his new owner will come to pick him up in a homemade two-horse trailer with 6 foot high ceilings and a malfunctioning hay net. The horse always loads eventually, a faint memory of starting gates perhaps prompting him forward. However, when a 15.1H filly is adopted and a roomy show trailer custom made for draft horses arrives for her, she will refuse to step into it for hours.

10. At the end of a week when all of the above incidents have occurred, when you are exhausted and contemplating a shift to an easier career (say, diesel mechanics or prison management), you will have an unusual encounter with one of the ex-racehorses. Maybe the 9-year-old gelding, the racing warrior with over 80 starts, will surprise you with his calm enjoyment of your first ride together. Or the nervous filly will finally let you catch her on the first try, her head down and eyes soft. Perhaps the mare who has been in rehab for months finally takes her first sound steps from stall rest to pasture turnout, turning to nicker at you as she strides joyfully across the grass. That one gesture, ride or step will instantly outweigh all the bad days for the week -- and inspire you for the months ahead.